i sit in my money just try to forget me i’m feeling so hungry i’ll try to forget it i have nothing to give it smells like the train here you’re under the table i’m standing atop it i burst through the door i belt to an opera in search of reminders that maybe you love me i watch as you watch me i dance to a feeling of shaking you loose i spit at the ceiling that hangs the chandelier i prop up the ladder and climb up the foyer to notable silence i notice the silence so i bust out the door i’ve swung to a rhythm of jealousy wounds my ass on the leather my head in the news i cheer with the others who watch as i go i’m faster than ever i’m breaking the record i’m breaking the record i’m free to be loved by lovers and empaths who know how to go let’s burst through it all let’s burst through it all restarting let’s burst through it all (i'm folding my money i'm folding my hands i sit in my money i sit in my plans)

news hits outbreak everybody will be gone in a day can’t believe it wasn’t far the hypothetical you’d ask at the bar i call my mom she says she knows i hear her weeping dad is yelling through the phone i hang it up i walk outside everybody’s dancing in the streets it's worldwide i’m walking slow through the crowd i guess what else are we supposed to do now but celebrate not settle down the only way we really truly know how another day not anymore no other lover i can love forevermore it isn’t long the new forever at least we’re ending with some pretty nice weather and so i spin i galavant look to my left and someone’s putting out their hand in every city from side to side everybody’s dancing in the streets it’s worldwide

morning comes in light in my eyes toss off the sheets i look outside birds in the air dropping like flies think i should stay inside evening rolls in time to be on stretching my skin for you to paint on who will i be once you have drawn? what will it be tonight? walk through the dark hearing applause stomach in throat clenching my jaw moisten my mouth with the sweat from my palms moving my hips tonight oh my, i’m in the mindset but what am i really like? am ij ust being honest? simple as i can be oh my, i’m really on this does everyone that i meet know i am a performance? tossing tossing turning but i shouldn’t, i’ll be fine like i don’t have a lot to say i’ve said inside my mind frequently i find myself debating gainst the signs they point me to the place i feel i’ve been in my whole life the sitting, criss-crossed, in the center of the stage and getting lost in thought the moment i try to behave and looking to the left the walls are empty tall and straight the audience is thin and nude and shaped into a maze but i read the sign and follow its directions feeling proud just to see if possible it gives me something now different than before that i can manifest somehow like standing in the spot instead of always sitting down the road is looking long - i see a forest and a hill i place my coffee mug just barely on the window sill i leave into the light with knees as buckled as my belt and follow all the steps that others made just for the thrill after many miles i’ve been marching on my own i come across a sign that’s built with flesh and hair and bone i’m not one to judge but i could smell it from the road and getting even closer i can see what i’ve been shown it’s funny how some people go the limit to recover the parts of life that in our minds are frequent like no other so i just turn around and stick my boots into the earth and trudging back i realize it was what i meant to learn that i don’t need to walk a hundred miles through the dirt and i don’t need to stand up on the stage to feel deserved cause if i’m always waiting for a sign from outer there to answer thoughts that always swim around under my hair i might miss the conversation+observation me the part that feels the longing and the doubting of belief and looking out i see that all the signs just point to me i look into myself and find that i can finally breathe moving my hips tonight oh my, i’m in the mindset but what am i really like? am i just being honest? simple as i can be oh my, i’m really on it does everyone that i meet know i am a performance?

what i’d give to not know this burner i’d give a dollar to a stranger on the street what i’d give to not flip this burger i eat my veggies right on top of my meat i'm in the front of the line you're in the back of the line what i’d give to not be burning up strands of hair a lady found one in her fries last week i did the numbers and i lost so many so now i’m worried that it was maybe me i told my manager i had my hat on the one embroidered with my father’s company she said she saw me in the parking lot smoking and that i had no hat when she saw me i took the blame because if i hadn’t it might have gone to someone else i know like my boy edgar, he’s always working harder than i think i’ve ever known i'm in the front of the line i wouldn’t want the blame to fall on him he has a family and a beat up car who knows where he would be without this job i’d probably just sit and work from home i have connections from my mom’s old friends they don’t help much i never reach out i’m always too lazy to text a person i’m always too tired to open my mouth i'm in the front of the line edgar kept his job and i got fired i told her that i had to pay my loans she said i should have just kept my hat on and not lied to her when i should have known i told her i thought that she wasn’t working and that it didn’t even cross my mind even though i sometimes worry i’m balding i thought i’d save that for another time i'm in the front of the line